Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.” –Erma Bombeck

“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” –Irv Kupcinet

“I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the ‘history’ I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America’s traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it’s a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all.” –Ellen Orleans

“I love Thanksgiving turkey…it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.” –Arnold Schwarzenegger

“The funny thing about Thanksgiving, or any huge meal, is that you spend 12 hours shopping for it and then chopping and cooking and braising and blanching.  Then it takes 20 minutes to eat it and everybody sort of sits around in a food coma, and then it takes four hours to clean it up.” –Ted Allen

“My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.” –Rita Rudner

“Coexistence:  what the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving.” –Mike Connolly

“Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” –Johnny Carson

“It has been an unchallengeable American doctrine that cranberry sauce, a pink goo with overtones of sugared tomatoes, is a delectable necessity of the Thanksgiving board and that turkey is uneatable without it.” –Alistair Cooke